I Survived

I survived...barely. I took him into daycare yesterday and I did not want to leave. He's was smiling and talking and that just made me want to stay there forever with him. I just didn't want to miss anything. Needless to say, as soon as I left the room I cried all the way to my car...then all the way to work...and once I got to work I just shut my door and shed a few more tears. I stayed at work until 4 and then I just couldn't take it anymore! I had to see my little man. And when I picked him up, he was sleeping like an angel!

Today was a little easier, but my heart still hurt when I left him. But I just have to suck it up and realize I have to work. But he has already changed me so much in such a short period of time. I am so focused at work now...I say this as I blog while at work, oops....but I realize now that the better I do at work, the more it will benefit Tyler. And if I can work hard the rest of this year and accomplish my goals, hopefully it will benefit me enough to cut back my hours a little bit next year. Ideally I would like to work about 30 hours.....Frank doesn't know that yet, but after he reads this he will....so let me throw in: Frank have I told you lately how much I love you? I really do...and I might even love you a little more if I cut back my hours next year.

So for the mean time I am surviving. I miss the little monkey so much. All I can think about is I wonder what he's doing. And I hope he doesn't start liking Mrs. Kim and Mrs. Stephanie (his teachers) more than me...I know that sounds silly b/c it isn't possible, but you still wonder. I just love him so much. It amazes me what a different person I am because of him. Everything I do now I want to do ten times better so he will be proud of his mommy.

When I get home I will post some new pictures of my cutie pie...and No Frank that's not you, that's Tyler.....But have I told you how much I love you lately :-)

I Couldn't Do It!

I just couldn't send him to daycare today....but not for the reasons you are thinking. Little Man is sick!!!! Yes, I said SICK!!! Me and little man both have horrible head colds, courtesy of Daddy Tank. He was sick last week and he has given it to us. Tyler has the cutest sounding cough. It is so pitiful. But he is still in the best mood. He just looks at me with those sweet eyes and smiles. I took him to the doctor yesterday and the doctor gave him a decongestant. He doesn't have a fever, but the doctor told me not to send him to daycare until Monday. So I CALLED IN SICK my first day back!!!

So Tyler and I have a couple of more days together. I secretly think Tyler knew he was going to go to daycare and couldn't stand to be away from his mommy so he got sick. Well I gotta run, Tyler just woke up.

Dreading the Day...

I go back to work in a week. I will have taken a total of 7 weeks of maternity leave, and yet it feels like I've only been home a week. Next Thursday is the dreaded day...not the work part...but it's the first day I will drop my sweet baby off at daycare.

What's got me so sad is that I went by the daycare today and sat in the room he will be staying in and talked to the ladies that will be keeping him. I stayed for about an hour. The ladies could not have been any nicer and you could tell they really love the babies. But as I sat and rocked Tyler he just looked back at me with his sweet eyes and I suddenly felt my eyes welling up with tears. Just thinking about me coming to this room next week and leaving him there was enough to make me cry. I am going to be a basket case next week!

I keep telling myself that Tyler will learn so much by me doing this. He will learn to play with other children. He will learn to be independent. He will learn to sociable. And I keep telling myself that it will be good for me to get back to work to. To get some adult time. To have a sense of accomplishment. These are all things I keep telling myself, but yet I still feel like an awful mother. I feel like I am abandoning my child. I feel like he is still so tiny and he needs his momma. I feel like no one could possibly take care of him the way I can...because I am his mom. I'm all he has known for the nine months I carried him and for the short 6 weeks he has been here. And now I am leaving him. My mind tells me one thing, but my heart tells me something completely different because it is breaking in a million pieces.

I Am One of Those Moms

You know the ones I am talking about. Think back to the time before you had kids. You would hear other moms doing baby talk and coming up with silly sounding words for everything and you would roll your eyes and hope they didn't see you...Example: I used to think, "Why don't moms just call it a pacifier?" Well, Tyler doesn't have pacifiers...for some reason I started calling it a Binky. A BINKY!!! What am I thinking?!?!?! And then he has a little blanket with a stuffed puppy attached. What do I call it? It's a Pup Pup of course. And then there's the issue of spit up. Pre-Tyler days, I could not understand how a mom could walk around with spit up on their shirt. Well I have joined them. As long as I can rub it in, who cares. I do good to get a decent shower, so little spit up doesn't bother me one bit. And then there's the stinky diapers. Why are we so fascinated with poop? Probably b/c I never knew it could come in so many colors!!! It's like a rainbow!

And my mind has turned to mush! I used to believe this was just an excuse. You know, women who say that they lost their mind once they had kids. We'll my mind is so lost I would probably have to fly half way across the world to retrieve it. Actually, it's probably floating in outer space somewhere. I can get up to walk in the kitchen and then I can't remember why I went there. The other day I told someone I was coming over to pick up something. Well Tyler had a stinky diaper and by them time I changed him I had forgotten. She called an hour later to see if I was OK!!! I'm not losing my mind...it's already lost...gone and never to return.

All those years of college and work and I have resorted to spit up, Binky's, Pup Pups, and discussing how poop can be orange, yellow, green, lime green, etc. But its the greatest thing that ever happened to me and I couldn't be happier. I'm off to look at more poop now. I wonder what color it will be this time?

That is Good Sleep!

Tyler loves to nap. And he is so cute when he does it. He loves sprawling out and throwing his legs up on something. I've just noticed that I have been taking a lot of pictures of him sleeping because he is so darn cute! So I hope these put a smile on your face.

Somehow, he wiggled out of the wedge that is supposed to keep him in place, and then he threw his legs on it! He slept like this for 2 hours!

He took a nap in our bed and wiggled into his Daddy's spot and slept so peacefully. Anytime he is having trouble falling asleep, we lay him in the spot and he goes right to sleep.

This was his Sunday afternoon nap today. I don't know what he was hiding from, but he covered his eyes so he didn't see :-)